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imagine a pageant
in my head the flesh seems thicker
Created on 2006-04-10 03:18:50 (#9996157), last updated 2008-07-25
1,039 comments received, 937 comments posted
Basic Account [Gift]
289 Journal Entries, 0 Tags, 20 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 6 Userpics
Basic Info| Name: | a scale, a mirror, and those indifferent clocks... |
|---|---|
| Location: | Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States |
BioHello there, my name's Allison but most people just call me Ali. I'm ED-NOS, and have also been diagnosed with Type II Bipolar Disorder, depression, OCD, and ADHD. I have severe abandonment issues that more or less dictate everything I think, do, and say. I have trouble believing that anyone in my life genuinely cares about me. I'm addicted to marijuana and alcohol, and also frequently take painkillers. I love making new friends but this is a friends only journal to protect my real life identity and ward off criticizing people. In this journal, I talk mostly about my eating disorder, but also about daily struggles with people, and with myself. I'm a nice person, I just have some problems so please only add me if you'll be supportive and friendly. :)
Height: 5'3"
Starting Weight: 147
Low Weight: 109
Progress
135
130
125
120
115
110
105
100
Perscriptions
Lamictal (200 mg)
Lexapro (20 mg)
Adderall (20 mg)
I know that it is freezing but
I think we have to walk
I keep waving at the taxis
They keep turning their lights off
But Julie knows a party at
Some actor's west side loft
Supplies are endless in the evening
By the morning, they'll be gone
When everything is lonely
I can be my own best friend
I get a coffee and the paper
Have my own conversation
With the sidewalk and the pigeons
And my window reflection
The mask I polish in the evening
By the morning, looks like shit
And I know you have a heavy heart
I can feel it when we kiss
So many men stronger than me
Have thrown their backs out trying lift it
But me, I'm not a gamble
You can count on me to split
The love I sell you in the evening
By the morning, won't exist
You're looking skinny like a model
With your eyes all painted black
You just keep going to the bathroom
Always say you'll be right back
Well it takes one to know one
Kid, I think you got it bad
What's so easy in the evening
By the morning's such a drag
I got a flask inside my pocket
We can share it on the train
And if you promise to stay conscious
I will try and do the same
Well, we might die from medication
But we sure killed all the pain
What was simple in the moonlight
By the morning seems insane
And I don't know what the trouble was
That started all of this
The reasons all have run away
But the feeling never did
It's not something I would recommend
But it is one way to live
'Cause what is simple in the moonlight
By the morning, never is
It was so simple in the moonlight
Now it's so complicated
It was so simple in the moonlight
So simple in the moonlight
So simple in the moonlight
--Lua, Bright Eyes
Starting Weight: 147
Low Weight: 109
Progress
115
110
105
100
Perscriptions
Lamictal (200 mg)
Lexapro (20 mg)
Adderall (20 mg)
I know that it is freezing but
I think we have to walk
I keep waving at the taxis
They keep turning their lights off
But Julie knows a party at
Some actor's west side loft
Supplies are endless in the evening
By the morning, they'll be gone
When everything is lonely
I can be my own best friend
I get a coffee and the paper
Have my own conversation
With the sidewalk and the pigeons
And my window reflection
The mask I polish in the evening
By the morning, looks like shit
And I know you have a heavy heart
I can feel it when we kiss
So many men stronger than me
Have thrown their backs out trying lift it
But me, I'm not a gamble
You can count on me to split
The love I sell you in the evening
By the morning, won't exist
You're looking skinny like a model
With your eyes all painted black
You just keep going to the bathroom
Always say you'll be right back
Well it takes one to know one
Kid, I think you got it bad
What's so easy in the evening
By the morning's such a drag
I got a flask inside my pocket
We can share it on the train
And if you promise to stay conscious
I will try and do the same
Well, we might die from medication
But we sure killed all the pain
What was simple in the moonlight
By the morning seems insane
And I don't know what the trouble was
That started all of this
The reasons all have run away
But the feeling never did
It's not something I would recommend
But it is one way to live
'Cause what is simple in the moonlight
By the morning, never is
It was so simple in the moonlight
Now it's so complicated
It was so simple in the moonlight
So simple in the moonlight
So simple in the moonlight
--Lua, Bright Eyes
ConnectInterests (60):
5'3", acting, adderall, alcohol, anorexia, being thin, beth hart, binging, brand new, bright eyes, bulimia, butterflies, chest bones, christina aguilera, christina ricci, clothes, collar bones, color, connor oberst, counting crows, creativity, eating disorders, ed-nos, exercise, fashion, fiona apple, gemma ward, goo goo dolls, history, introspection, ireland, jane austen, john william waterhouse, lyrics, magazines, mark twain, matchbox 20, models, motion city soundtrack, music, natalie portman, parties, pills, poetry, politics, pot, pre-raphaelite art, purging, rachel bilson, reading, restricting, rilo kiley, scales, self destructive behavior, shoes, something corporate, travel, weight, winona ryder, writing
Friends [View Entries] Friends (43):
147, __startacraze, acrimsonrelease, afterthesun, andshefallsdown, ap0katastasis, brutalxlust, charlielux, claviclewhore, closertodecent, dakestangel, eighteen__, excuseamoi, glycerine, gossamerdream00, half_but_whole, hippo_critical, jesski89, magdalena_red, markamode, misschaneldior, nella_anima_mia, p0tens_sui, paledreams, pantaliamon, puella_e, secret_sin, selloutsloveme, sexymii, smokenotfood, stupidity_eats, sweetmistakes76, tearjerkdirk, thecwqpoet, tobelittle, tristezabella, vanitynourishes, venice_qween, violetcigarette, wastingstar, xalmost_there, xfiftyninex, xgoodbyeapathy
Mutual Friends (42):
147, __startacraze, acrimsonrelease, afterthesun, andshefallsdown, ap0katastasis, brutalxlust, charlielux, claviclewhore, closertodecent, dakestangel, eighteen__, excuseamoi, glycerine, gossamerdream00, half_but_whole, hippo_critical, jesski89, magdalena_red, markamode, misschaneldior, nella_anima_mia, p0tens_sui, paledreams, pantaliamon, puella_e, selloutsloveme, sexymii, smokenotfood, stupidity_eats, sweetmistakes76, tearjerkdirk, thecwqpoet, tobelittle, tristezabella, vanitynourishes, venice_qween, violetcigarette, wastingstar, xalmost_there, xfiftyninex, xgoodbyeapathy
Also Friend of (10):
Communities [View Entries] Watching (11):
_realthin, add_me_ed, bella_sol, bodyperfect, destruit_me_ed, e_d_secrets, fivefootthree, short_thinspire, tenpoundsamonth, weekly_weigh_in, xinfinitesimalx
Member of (14):
Feeds [View Entries] Watching (0)
